Ok, so today, I suck at being a mom. Maybe that is a little drastic, but that is how I am feeling right now.
Last night we had a fun time of coffee/tea and cinnamon rolls with a group here with the kids. I knew it was going to be a late night (9:00pm, that is late for us!) and luckily Emme didn't have school the next day, so we took advantage of going and getting to know the team better.
Well, I should have known better.......
Emme and Leyton were both having a "high speed come apart." We had accidents, crying, anger....etc. There are many people who think that it is ridiculous that our children go to bed between 6:30-7. But PEOPLE....THIS is why they HAVE TO go to bed early! It was seriously trying.
So, we decided to keep the kids home and have a rest day. No working with the team; staying home. Which caused another melt down this morning at breakfast. After regaining our composure (and by our I mean Emme and Leyton), I studied with Emme for her first round of exams in school (these are big deals here--no passing the tests, no going onto next grade). We studied Spanish, Math, Science and Social Studies--everything since the beginning of the year. So, I decided that lunch with the team would be a nice break from our day of rest (and studying). I clearly laid out the ground rules. Lunch, soccer, home; to which they agreed (of course). After chasing Emme and Leyton all over kingdom come (it was seriously like herding cats--blindfolded). We got back up to the house about 2pm (soccer was over at 1pm). We returned and they played, I relaxed, started some food for dinner (leftovers--YUM [gag]) and decided to talk with some friends that I hadn't talked with in awhile. Well, that started the spiral again. After having a nice conversation with friends, as I was wrapping up the call, Leyton came in complaining about "starving," to which I replied, let me hang up and I will start dinner and asked him what he wanted--this, as he proceeded to go back outside and play only to make me feel like I was herding cats again....
Dinner served. Eaten. Time for bath/shower. Leyton throws a fit about not wanting to get in the bathtub (this is not a new occurrence, almost EVERY SINGLE TIME). Throws fit, gets undressed, has a grand old time in the bathtub. Emme completes shower. Leyton still in bathtub. Leyton won't get out of bathtub. Throws fit because he doesn't want to get out.
I.LOSE.IT.
I start raving like a lunatic. I start yelling at him about how he cries to not get in the bath, then it is crying because he is not wanting to get out. I seriously start down a road I shouldn't have gone. I start telling him I'm pretty sure he does this on purpose--that he likes to make me crazy....etc, etc. You can fill in the blanks, I'm sure. Nothing mean--just down-right ugly.
He gets in bed. Has a whole mound of hotwheels cars on his bed. He doesn't want to sleep near the wall (cars were on HIS side of the bed) because he won't feel the fan (that is literally 2 feet from his head). I tell him he needs to figure this out. Because, of course, I told him to pick up his toys, bring the toys outside that he was playing with (including the bucket for the cars) back inside--to which he dropped right in the front door--which later I tripped over--which only made me MORE mad. But I left everything where it was. After telling him and showing him what he needed to take upstairs--even put it in a nice pile to make it easier for him to carry, he proceeded to leave it right where it was--which leads up to him not being able to--God forbid--move the cars, so he can sleep on HIS side of the bed (it is only HIS bed) and feel the wind from the fan. He decides to sleep ON the cars.....
So I proceed to explain to him that I told him to bring up the toys....which he could put his cars away....which would have solved all the melt down issues--which I told him made me crazy. I also might have said, "I do everything for everyone. And nobody wants to do anything for me when I ask. I will not go down and get your bucket--you need to figure this out for yourself." To which he cried--but fell asleep on all of the cars.
I felt like the real life meme:
After I felt like a horrible mother--to which some of you are thinking--TRUE-- my daughter came in and gave me this note:
YEP....THAT.
In case you can't read or understand her 'kid writing' it says:
Dear Mommy, I know that it is hard to do everything for us. I love you for doing everything for us. Love, Emme.
Yeah.....how about feeling like "a big turd in a punchbowl", to quote my husband....that is/was me.
So......
I.
SUCK.
AT.
THIS.
PARENTING.
THING.
I think everyone is tired. Some days I don't feel like I do anything right. Other days we are too busy coming and going to know whether it is right or wrong. Other days I feel like, "I got this". Today--wasn't one of them.
To everyone who has been praying for us. Please say a little prayer for me--the mommy. This is still something I struggle with--obviously.
And to all the stay at home mommies or daddies--more power to you. It is a job that no one appreciates, always asks for more, is never satisfied, and you have to act like a stark raving lunatic just to get some recognition--of course you feel awful after getting the recognition--ie turd in a punchbowl.
Thanks
PS. just to reiterate why our children go to bed so early--while I was typing this (one hour after being in bed), I had one child get up and sleep walk (typical when she is tired) talking and doing something with her hands (freaked me out a little), then went in to go to the bathroom. Sat there for about 2 minutes (doing nothing), when the other child got up to go the bathroom and someone was sitting there--to which I pulled her off the toilet (because she was just staring at him--she was still asleep--creeped me out even more) so he could go the bathroom. She proceeded to start to brush her teeth--she already did that (still asleep)--washed her hands and went back to bed. He proceeded to sit in the middle of the floor of his room and try to play (he was half asleep). I knocked off all of the cars from his bed (the same cars that all this started with) so he could lay down and sleep.
Lesson of the day: Just do it--you will have to do it eventually. It also saves you from looking like a lunatic.
AMEN!
