When you look at this photo, what do you see? What does it
represent to you? I know that each person will see this photo and have their
own interpretation of what they see. A tree cut down, a new tree growing, the
beautiful green landscape, the fact that this tree is producing fruit—again!?!?
That is so strange!
I agree with all of the above observations because I see
those things as well and they are all true. However, with the year that my
family and I had in 2017 and the year after, 2018, this photo represents all of
those things and so much more. Sometimes you see more than just with your
eyes—however, if you have never been through a difficult season, then seeing
with your eyes is exactly what you see and that is okay. But walking through a
difficult season changes your perspective and changes the way you see things
and interpret them.
Let me explain further.
I agree, I see a tree that is
cut down. What does this mean to me?
In 2017 my family and I walked through a difficult season.
You see, we live as cross-cultural missionaries that lead short-term mission
teams. We work for an organization in Costa Rica that has been blessed with
many short-term mission teams throughout the year. Last year we hosted over 30
teams last year—now anyone who has ran short term teams knows that that is a
lot of teams for one year. I agree
whole-heartedly! Which is why we were in a dark season. We over did it, we overextended
ourselves, we sacrificed our family, our marriage, our sanity—and not because we
had to, but because we wanted to. We LOVE hosting short-term teams, we love
discipling mission groups, we love sharing our life with them, we love sharing
the culture and people of Costa Rica with them, and sharing the work God is doing
through our organization (The Abraham Project- www.abrahamproject.org). We did it
because that is why we are here.
However, that took a toll on us—all of us, and every part of
us. We were tired—no, we were exhausted. We took on too much and didn’t do a
good job of doing it. Our kids suffered, our teammates suffered, our friends
suffered and worse of all, our teams suffered—one of our main reasons we are
here. We suffered through exhaustion, depression, anxiety, poor parenting and
giving way more than we were putting into our tank. To put it lightly as they
say on the field, we were suffering from burnout—and it was a scary place.
You see, we were the tree. We were big and beautiful and
growing in ways only God could be a part of. However, we were also sacrificing
way too much to keep that up, and so the burnout, the anxiety, the depression,
our family literally falling apart was the ax that brought us down—what felt
like the bottom. And if you look really hard at that photo, the inside—the
intentions, the heart, the core of the tree was healthy—but the outside was
rough, jagged, discolored, much like we looked during this season. We had our
hearts in the right place, but our outside was being damaged and worn because
of our actions. We were cut down, down to the very bottom. We couldn’t go much
lower; I cringe even thinking of what that would have looked like.
I agree, I see a new tree
growing from that old tree. What does this mean to me?
GRACE and MERCY. God allowed us to be cut down; almost down
to nothing but didn’t leave us there. He allowed us time to rest, regroup and
refocus. It has taken us almost a full year to “fix” the damage we did during
2017, but we have grown from it—as a husband and wife, as a mother and father,
as missionaries, as friends and most of all as obedient followers of Christ.
Christ allowed us to be cut down by grace but also in His mercy, did not leave
us there. We learned a lot about ourselves, learned a WHOLE lot about self-care
and He put some amazing people and resources in our lives to walk through that
season with us. WE are the new tree growing from the old tree. We are just
beginning again, but we are healthier and wiser from it.
I agree, I see the beautiful
green landscape. What does this mean to me?
The landscape is probably one of the most important parts of
this photo, although normally overlooked. To look at this picture is to see
green grass, trees, blue skies and a variety of plants. This is the beauty of
where God has us, Costa Rica. While only owning around 0.25% of the world’s
land, it comprises 5% of the world’s biodiversity! STUNNING and UNBELIEVABLE!
This new tree is surrounded by the perfect climate, sun, rain and soil.
However, there are many factors that can affect this beautiful tree as well;
too much rain, too much sun, volcano ash, bugs and disease.
We are cross-cultural missionaries, which means we live in
Costa Rica. We work at an Evangelical church and organization in Costa Rica. We
are surrounded by people who love the Lord and we serve the people of the
country with the hands and feet of Christ. We work with short-term mission
teams that bless us with their presence and with their service. We have made
amazing friends cross-culturally—which can be no easy feat by any means. We are
lucky to have the teammates that we do and have the community that God has
given us. We are also surrounded by other missionaries and share their
struggles with them and go to bible studies and get to see the beauty that God
made in this amazing country. But this is not our country or culture and we do
not blend in with the nationals. We struggle with everything that is not our
normal. We adapt to the differences between our residency country and our
passport country (please don’t make me say “HOME” for either one). We feel lost
in the language—on a daily basis, and we struggle with helping our kids adapt
to a culture that is not their own—and sometimes feel like they don’t fit in
anywhere (you can read about “third-culture kids in lots of literature related
to missionary kids). It is hard, but the environment that surrounds us was
given to us by God—to help us grow, mature and receive what we need to grow in
Him.
I agree, I also see fruit
growing from that new tree (still strange to me!) What does that mean to me?
GRACE. And a whole lot of it. Not only did God allow us to
grow again but He is allowing us to produce fruit and to see that fruit. We
have learned so much after the 2017 “cut down” season, almost too much to even
mention it all, but here is some of the fruit that we have seen:
SELF-CARE. Oh my gosh, this is a big one! This is something that is
ignored by most missionaries and even agencies and is a BIG cause for burnout
and leaving the field (again, there is a lot of literature on “self-care”—look
it up!). I’ve heard many sayings that all relate to self-care, “self-care isn’t
selfish”, “you can’t drive your car on an empty tank”, “you can’t pour from an
empty cup.” These quotes all make perfect sense when you are talking about
inanimate objects like a car or a cup, but what about our physical body and
mind and most importantly our spiritual heart and soul—it’s a little harder to
swallow because we believe that taking care of our self is selfish (I could go
on and on about stories I have heard of missionaries who do/don’t post things
on social media because of what might be thought about them, but that is
another post for another day!) Self care is the ONLY way that we can get
through what we have to do day-in and day-out. Of course, Jesus is the ONLY way
but come on y’all even Jesus “self-cared.” Do you remember the story of Jesus
calming the storm (Mark 4:35-41). BOOM! He did it and we need to too!
GOD SHOULD BE FIRST. Of course we all say this, but do we actually
do this? I know I didn’t. I actually put my calling/ministry from God before my
husband, my family and even God. OOPS! It didn’t go well, to say the least.
When we put anything before God everything else gets off balance. I can’t
explain it, but it’s true. When we refocus on God, everything else aligns more
naturally—marriage, family and ministry. Let me explain with an illustration:
GOD
GOD
YOU MARRIAGE
FAMILY
MINISTRY
As you focus on God
and move closer to Him and as your marriage, family and ministry focus on God
as well, you naturally draw closer to each other. It is a simple, but it isn’t
easy.
HUMILITY. Humility is one of the most
underrated virtue, however, humility is essential for self-improvement. Humility
does not show weakness as everyone thinks; it shows strength and obedience. In
the bible, humility is the opposite of selfishness. When you are humble you are
open to change; when you are selfish, you don’t need to change. We knew we
needed to change. We needed to focus on our family, our health and our
marriage. It wasn’t easy to do, but it was necessary and we are humbly getting
to a place of health—spiritually, physically and emotionally. I am still
learning this and am trying to change my thoughts from me to you, from selfish
to humble. I am thankful for all that God has taught me through that 2017 “cut
down” season. Again, being humble is simple, but not easy.
THE IMPORTANCE OF PRAYER. During that dark season, I learned a
lot about prayer. I didn’t pray for hours on end, like some of the prayerful
people we all know that pray for 4 hours before they even start their day, but
I did learn a lot about talking to God. I learned how to bring all of my
doubts, fears, anxiety and thoughts to God, to talk to Him like a Father,
someone who I could trust. To be honest, I am not very good at praying and I
DISLIKE praying in front of people or in an open crowd, but when I do pray, I
feel the Lord is with me and He likes it when I just talk to Him. I don’t need
to use all of the Christian jargon, I don’t need to do it in a specific place
or time or order, I just need to talk with Him and share ME with Him. That is
what satisfies God’s desire for obedience—OBEDIENCE. He wants to know me, and
He wants a relationship with me—however that sounds! Prayer is simple, and it
is easy, when WE don’t get in the way of just having a relationship with Jesus.
I know being able to just talk to Him helped me get through the dark season. If
I didn’t have HIM to talk to freely, without judgment or explanation, I know I
wouldn’t have made it through to see the beauty on the other side—2018.
So, what does the
photo represent to me? It represents a lot. It represents the good, the bad and
the ugly, but it also represents many of our lives in many different ways. I
bet many people could look at this photo and connect with it in different ways.
It is a beautiful representation of our Christian walk.
“Count it all
joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the
testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its
full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” (James 1:2-4)
So, from this
verse we can say that trials or seasons of “cutting” are a gift. We know that when
we are struggling because of this “cutting” season is because God loves us, and
He is doing a work in our hearts. He is making us more like Christ every day.
If we allow Him and even recognize what He is doing in our lives, we will
produce more fruit than we could even imagine.
I’m still being pruned,
I’m still learning, but it has produced more fruit than I could have ever
imagined. Each “cutting” season opens the door to a plentiful harvest.
2017- broke me
2018- redeemed me
2019- rebuilt me
Bring on 2020!
~Angie
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